Fair Warning

I am writing this blog post out of a sense of obligation as well as to take my mind of my suffering. I have developed a nice head/chest cold that allows me to blow my nose every three minutes to only feel it slowly fill back up and press outward on my eyes and nose. So this post could be filled with short, curt ideas due to my weakened state, or it could also be my best one ever.

21. Watchmen (second viewing)
I took the wife to see this over the spring break. I still dug it. There are plenty of details to pick up upon a second viewing that are easily missed the first time, but that add to the depth and flavor of the whole experience. It's def worth checking out.

22. Club Dread
There always seems to come a point in movies like this where I resign myself to the fact that I'm going to be left disappointed in the end. The Broken Lizard gang know they can make a funny movie. They know they can make funny charachters do funny things and everyone will be smiling and happy. And I'm sure when it came time for them to make this film, they all sat around and decided that they would make a horror movie, but make it funny. And there is the problem. You end up taking these two genre's of films that you want to make, and you figure that you can make them both work and it will be awesome and everyone will dig it. But they you have to cut some jokes down or out of the script to get the story moving, but you also can't go for the all out gore fest that a movie like this deserves because you don't want to alienate all the people coming to see Super Troopers on an island. And what your left with is a watered down semi-funny script that's not gory or scary enough to justify all the time spent on it. This movie is also almost 2 hours long, which is way to long to only be marginally entertained.

Well, apathy can be a bitch

I lost my focus on what this blog was intended for, and it has come to bite me in the ass. This blog was originally intended to help me keep track and process the movies that I watched in my yearly goal. I keep a list on my computer of the movies I watch so I can keep an accurate tally. That is, until I was forced to wipe my HD due to a virus on my computer and I lost my files. I had backed everything up, but that was back in January. I pieced together the list as best I could from memory but I know I watched about 3 other movies that I can't account for anymore. Doesn't bode well for my memory or those films that I can't remember them less than 2 months out. But onward and upward. Here are some thoughts about the films that I DO remember watching.

11. Coraline
This was the first movie that I saw in a theater this year. It was also presented in 3-D. I was pleasantly surprised with the 3-D glasses that were provided. Gone were the flimsy red and blue lenses that never work right. For the extra two bucks we had to pay for the film each we were given glasses that resembled Drew Carey frames with lenses that were only slightly tinted grey. They easily fit over my real glasses so I could see just fine. And they worked like a charm. The 3-D effects are awesome in this film and add some real texture to the movie. There are only 3 or 4 instances of an overt 3-D move like someone poking out at the screen, or a needle coming at you. The rest is just a nice layering effect.
The movie itself was very good. It's defiantly one of those films that straddles the line between being a movie aimed at kids and adults. Gotta maximize those profits somehow. It's a very good story with dark overtones and many layers to the story. Most children won't pick up on all the subtleties of the film, but the adults should enjoy the film more because of it. It's amazing to think that the entire film was made via stop motion. The style very much resembles Nightmare Before Christmas, but has a more polished look and feel to it.

12. Eagle vs. Shark
This came on my radar because it starred one of the members of Flight of the Concords. My feelings about this movie can be summed up pretty quickly. Imagine Napoleon Dynamite set in New Zealand. Though forced a bit, the humor and quirkiness were there and there were some very genuine funny parts. I didn't love it, but it was pretty OK.

13. Botched
A slasher/horror/comedy about a failed heist gone horribly wrong. This one got going pretty quick. A heist goes wrong and the robbers take some hostages and get stuck on a seemingly abandoned floor in a high rise building. Quickly devolving into a gore fest with some bizarre twists and turns that involve some of the captives really being the bad guys along with some kind of thinly veiled back story of the crazy people that inhabit the abandoned floor being descendant from Ivan the Terrible. If you can stay with the weirdness you can sit back and enjoy a pretty well done slasher movie. It's never scary, and the deaths are defiantly over the top. But it stays within the context of itself and doesn't try to do to much. I enjoyed this one.

14. Sex Drive
I remembered this had come out a while back simply from the poster of a giant doughnut in a sombrero. It was a pretty good Teenage Sex Comedy in the same vein as American Pie. The problem with most TSC's that have come out in recent years is that there is little new comedic material to be covered so everything usually feels like a remake of some other shitty movie. But this one has enough new stuff as well as twists to the themes of the past that it makes it enjoyable. It moves fast enough and doesn't try and hammer in some lame joke over and over again.

15. Extreme Movie
This is also a TSC but done in a different manner. This has the feel of a sketch comedy troupe that wrote about 10 different sketches that are all based on the same thing and have differing levels of funniness, and they need to figure out how to connect them all together. There is a plot of sorts about a boy like a girl but being to chicken to ask her out, but these scenes are either used as filler or to launch of of the sketches. Very hit or miss, but probably would have worked better as individual clips.

16. Watchmen
I loved it. Most other critics didn't. I think you have to have some history with the source material, or you just won't get into it and quickly dismiss it. Visually it's awesome and features much of the same level of gore and stylized violence as 300. Sticks close to the source material up until the end, sometimes to it's detriment. Some of the dialogue is very short and clipped. Which makes sense on some level as it's based on a comic book where you can't write tons of extraneous dialogue. But in this format I think it could have been punched up a bit and made to sound a bit more natural. There is a new ending that cuts out a major part of the book. But the effect is the same. I actually thought the new ending was pretty cool and a bit more believable. Clocking in at a shade under 3 hours, this was well worth the money to see in the theater.

17. Brothers Solomon
I know everyone has that musician, artist, author, or actor that no matter what you will check out there new stuff. You have an allegiance to them for some earlier work of theirs that you really loved or that effected you greatly and you feel like lighting will continue to strike and all there stuff will be golden. I have that with Bob Odenkirk. I love Mr. Show. I think Bob Odenkirk is a funny dude and will watch whatever he's in. I also really enjoyed a movie that he directed called Melvin Goes to Dinner. Mr. Odenkirk directed this movie which also stared Will Arnett and Will Forte, both of who I have liked in other things. There were quite a few other actors in this film that I enjoy in other things. That being said, I didn't really dig them in this film. The premise is simple, but the setups aren't developed enough to make them funny or explain why everything is happening. It had some mildly ammusing parts, but in the end I felt like this was a funny concept that probably should have been cut down to a 10-15 minute sketch that just kept getting stretched and stretched until it was movie length.

18. Otis
Netflix's gremlins compiled all my previous likes and dislikes and figured I would like this film. It's basically a serial killer movie with a man who kidnaps teenage girls and torments their families by calling them and talking about their daughters while he has them locked up. Which could be pretty creepy if done right. But this movie has no intention of being a creepy serial killer movie. It wants to be quirky and funny as well. All the bits of the movie get shaken up and become muddled together until you can't decipher what the point of it is. There's some shenanigans going on and the ending is pretty predictable and just wraps up pretty quickly. It felt like they had the movie chugging along, but then realized they had to finish up in like 10 minutes so they crammed a bunch of stuff together. I can't say I liked this one. To muddy.

What Recession?

I fully admit that I do not watch and/or read the news on a regular basis. For the most part it is just a repeat of the same horrible things happening all over the place and I would much rather not be brought down by the soul crushingness of it all. Of course I know the basics of what is going on in the world, as there is no way to completely ignore all of this. But I don't need to know which person was killed on what street corner or who's house burnt down. And it is impossible to ignore the economic crisis that is facing America today. But in some respects, it is easy to ignore. And it's made easy if you started with nothing.

This does not include all those people who have been laid off from there jobs due to their previous employers financial woes. They may have had nothing before, but they really have nothing now. And I do feel bad for them.

But as a person with no assets that any bank would generally care about, I'm not feeling any kind of pressure from this diminished economy. I wasn't planning on applying for any new credit cards, so it doesn't bother me one bit that I probably wouldn't get one anyway. I have no car payment, house payment, or any dependents to worry about. I own no stocks and have no money otherwise associated with the stock market. I am totally unaffected by the tumultuous market as it continues to hemorrhage one way or the other seemingly daily. Again, I don't know exactly, cause I don't check it all that often.

I have lived a blessed life. In so much as I have never felt the burden of having to pinch pennies and work off of a strict budget. I have done some stupid things with money, and have learned from those mistakes. I don't keep a ledger of my bank account down to the penny, but I know roughly how much money is in the account. I know how much the bills are going to run, and can plan ahead and know not to spend. I live a relatively free economic life. Not to say that all couldn't change any time, and will likely when we attempt to buy our first home this coming summer. But from all accounts that I can find it is a GOOD time for us to buy.

All this preamble takes me to an experience I had last week that makes me wonder sometimes about peoples capacity to understand their own situations. On the way home from school one day I was formulating a grocery list in my head. I knew we needed a few things for around the house, as well as something for dinner that night. I decided to go to a Kroger that I don't normally go to on my way home. It was about noon and the store was relatively quiet. There was a bit of snow on the ground and my guess was that between the semi-remoteness of this particular store and the fact that most people had already stocked up on there grocery needs prior to the snow falling, I figured I would be in and out quickly. I quickly made my way through the store and was ready to check out. I had roughly 20 items in my cart and made my way to the front of the store.

There were only two lanes open, and the first one I came upon had a woman who had 2 carts full to the brim ready to start unloading. I obviously wasn't going to get in line behind her. The only other line had two large women who were in the midst of unpacking 2 large carts of their own. How in the world could I have timed this worse? I took so lice in the fact that they had already unpacked and scanned one cart, and the second was almost empty and up on the line. I figured that this was as good as it was going to get, so I settled in to the waiting process.

Now, let me clear up a few things before I continue. When I describe these two ladies as large, don't be confused. When I address someone as large, I put them on at least the same size scale as myself or bigger. And these ladies were bigger than I. They were also incredibly disproportionate in that they resembled Grimmace. This is only relevant because while the checker continued to scan their seemingly unending supply of foodstuffs from the cart, the two ladies were going on about how they wanted something to drink. So lady A went to get lady B a soda from a few lanes down. On her way back she decided that the candy bars that were displayed were to good to pass up and grabbed 6. She casually threw those on the line along with the two drinks she had grabbed. She also turned to her friend and grabbed a bag of sun chips off the rack and held them up and kinda cocked her head in that familiar "how about this?" move that is universal. Lady B then shrugged and nodded in that equally universal "Why the fuck not" move. By this time all their groceries had been loaded up on the line and there was enough room for me to begin unloading my own cart on the line.

Just as I finished putting the last of my items up on the line Lady A was staring at the total screen and looked a little frightened. She turned to Lady B and said something like "It's up to 200 already" and let out a nervous giggle. I began to have a small sinking feeling. As the cashier finally rang up the end of the 2 cart fiasco in waiting, she announced the total as $387.53. Both the ladies reacted as if there had to be some kind of miscalculation because they could only spend $300 and there must be a mistake. The cashier just stood there as stone faced as she could. I got the feeling this was a regular occurrence for her in her job. I attempted to be as casual as possible as I fumed internally at how idiotic this situation was.

The two ladies then began the almost 10 minute process of removing items from there now bagged groceries and having them removed from there bill. They started with two packages of high end ice cream snacks, followed by the 6 candy bars and chips that were added at the last minute. A few TV dinners and microwavable snacks were also given the boot, as well as a huge bag of "Catfish Nuggets" which looked to be just frozen squirrel meat that had freezer burn. And still that wasn't enough. There was still $20 pounds of fat to trim before this unending hell would cease to exist. Exasperated, the two continued to dig through there carts trying to figure out what they could "spare" to get to there total. FINALLY they took enough off to reach the new total of $300.73 and after lady A loudly exclaimed "ARE YOU KIDDING ME", Lady B stepped in and swiped her card and they quickly exited. The checker and bagger said nothing through all of this, but were visibly annoyed and relieved once they left. I quickly stepped up to line and proudly exclaimed "I'm paying for all of my stuff today!" The checker smiled and laughed and quickly rang me up and I was on my way.

I am sharing this story because it illustrates my point. I live a good life. I can spend money with relative ease, but I know my limits. I knew I couldn't go into the store and decide to buy all kinds of shit for close to $400 cause I couldn't afford it. If I was in a different situation and needed to count my pennies and squeeze the value out of every last cent, I would. I wouldn't blindly go to the store and just start filling my cart with whatever shit looks good, and then some more impulse shit on top of that.

It's not uncommon for me to see people at the grocery carrying around a calculator with them and there stacks of coupons writing down what looks like novels while they are shopping. And they are doing there part to stretch their money where they can. They are comparing prices, calculating how much they are spending, and deducting there coupons to there utmost value. They are not surprised when the cashier announces there total, as they already know what it is. If I was forced into that situation, I would be doing the same thing.

I know the value of the dollar. I just happen to value different things than most that those dollars can buy. But I will NEVER be in the position where I have to start taking off items from my already scanned items because I have overspent. Never.

And those two fucking bitches still got there cokes.

12 Down....122 to go...

Well well well blog. We meet again. I thought I had finally vanquished you from this mortal earth with that final karate leg sweep but you have come back at me with the devastating Crane Kick. It is so devastating and there is no defense for it. I am a balloon just awaiting your pin prick to blow me away. I bow to you in humble defeat and ask that you spare me and my fellow Cobra's further humiliation.

In setting this new movie goal for myself I hoped to extend my love of movies and passion for the new. In doing so I have to keep up a pace of 12 movies a month over the course of the year to hit my goal with ease. And on Jan. 31st I hit 12 by watching Step Brothers again. Still pretty funny btw.

Of the other 11, the one that rises above the rest is The Wrestler. I will admit I am a bit biased to this film as professional wrestling, specifically indie wrestling, carries a special place in my heart even if I rarely indulge that part of me anymore. I also am a big fan of the director, so I figured that this one would be right up my alley. And I will not lie to you dear blog, this movie was deeply affecting to me. There is no doubt that there are real people out there who embody the lead character. Wrestlers who either don't know any other way, or just can't hang up the boots and move on from life. They dismiss common sense and self preservation and continue to batter their bodies until they ultimately fail them. One scene in the middle of the movie in particular shows a convention center hall filled with wrestlers long since used up showcasing there wares for sale. As the camera pans around you see men who can no longer walk without the aide of a cane or wheelchair. One man has a cath bag attached to his leg. Our "hero" must wear a hearing aide, but hides this fact whenever he is in the ring or backstage, not wanting to show weakness to his fellow wrestlers. I know those guys exist today. The are going to continue down a path of pain and loss dreaming of their previous glory days in the squared circle.
Some reviews I had read for The Wrestler some how found some uplifting message or even a positive outcome from the ending. To which I say those people are either blind, retarded, or a mixture of both. Do not be misguided people. If you have seen any of the directors other works, you will not be surprised by this fact. But do not let this deter you from seeing this film. I am pulling for Mickey Rourke to win the Oscar for best actor. Admittedly I have not seen any of the other nominee's, but I don't care. This performance is truly amazing and worth the accolades it is receiving.
On the flip side of that coin, I saw one of the worst movies I have seen in recent memory. The movie "Basket Case" had been lauded to me by some close friends as a piece worthy of taking in. It was in my wheelhouse so to speak of bad horror movies, and I was intrigued by the premise of a deformed "brother" that used to be attached to the protagonist and now lives in a basket that he carries around and attacks people. And let me be clear before I get to far into this. I have seen some truly TERRIBLE movies in my time. I even give discounts to films such as this that were made long before the advent of modern special effects or technology that could stretch your production budget. But all that goes out the window the first time we are "treated" to the boy in the basket. Not only is it incredibly ridiculous looking even by the standards of the day, it's so rubbery and fake looking that when they move it around the sets it just kinda jiggles around an is about as menacing as well..er...something that's not very menacing. And it's not scary looking. And the movie is incredibly boring. Though it does contain one good line. "What's in the basket....Easter Eggs?" This is said without any proper pause or pacing, and without any indication that Easter is even approaching. And it's in a doctor's office waiting room. Though it does make sense to me. Because any basket that I see that I don't know whats in it, I automatically assume it's Easter Eggs. So at least they appealed to the logical side of me.
That's about all for the list so far. There was a comical moment while watching "Under Siege" where Adie recognized one of the actresses from her role on Full House. Of course she finally recognized her as she stripped off her top and jiggled her boobs around. Ad insists that that was independent of her recognition. I have my doubts.

Head of State

My biggest fear when Obama became president is that I would no longer enjoy Chris Rock's "Head of State."  If you haven't seen it, Chris Rock is an alderman from DC and he is picked to run so that he can lose the election.  Well I was concerned that this movie would no longer be funny if we actually had an African American President.  FEARS DISMISSED.  This movie is still awesome.

Blogger's Q Watchmen Update

Blogger Q here with the real scoop on the upcoming Watchmen movie.

Now if you pay attention to the Internet and Hollywood rags (as we Hollywood insiders refer to them as).  Then you are no doubt aware that there is a law suit between Warner Brother's (or as we insiders say WB) and Fox.  

The problem is that Fox claims that they have the rights to the book (which I understand is "graphic novel." I wouldn't know).   

WB made the movie and now Fox wants in on the action (that's what we (we being real Hollywood insiders) call profits).  

I have the real scoop.  The truth is WB didn't actually make a movie.  What they did was invent a trans-dimensional vortex portal.  This allows WB to to travel to other dimensions.  Well, they found out that the books author (Gore Vidal) is actually a psychic  who picked up on the vibrations of that dimension.  So, WB kidnapped the author and tuned their vortex to that dimension's frequency.   Then went through the vortex and found video tape from the era that they wanted and edited it together to make the movie.

At this point you are wondering why Fox would want this technology?  Well think about it. Let's say that Fox wanted to make a movie about a crazy land where the Nazis (that what we Hollywood insiders call the National Socialists party that took control of Germany during the 1930's and caused WWII) won WWII.  Well they could just go there and film.  Think of the money they would make, no writer or actors.  Even if it made 1,000 dollars it would make money.

Well that's all I can tell you for now.   More on this story as it develops. 

Q out. 

Best/Worst of 2008

VICTORY IS MINE.

In an attempt to explore one of my favorite forms of entertainment, I set a random number of movies for myself to see that year. I put no restriction on if I had seen the movie before. The previous year I had a goal of 100 and fell short. This year I added 20 to the tally and went to work. Early on in the year I fully anticipated to shatter the number, as I kept on pace through July and figured I could even increase my consumption as the year continued. Boy was I wrong. Coming into the last week of 2008, I was still 12 movies short. I knew that I had to go on a binge and just put my head down and do nothing for one whole day but watch movies.

In the future I will avoid this technique in completing my tasks. I ended up focusing on movies that I had readily available that where short in length. I ended up finishing movie 120 around 8:30 on New Year's Eve. In the previous 36 hours I had watched 12 movies and was ready for a break.

Onto the stats and the ever present best and worst movies of the year. As a rule, I only counted movies that I watched in 2008 regardless of if they came out in 2008 or not. You may notice a few on my list that technically came out in 2007, but that I watched early in the year that still made the list. Get over it if it bothers you.

Of the 120 movies:
20 were viewed in a theater
19 I had seen before
12000 minutes (average of 100 minutes per movie) or 200 hours spent watching movies

This doesn't count any TV shows that I watched. I watched the entire run of Sex and the City, Veronica Mars season 2, and various other current tv shows. I would say I watched AT LEAST the same amount of TV as movies, if not more. And I don't want to hear anything about it.

Top 10 of 2008

10. The Mist
9. Pineapple Express/Foot Fist Way *TIE*
8. Hatchet
7. Wall-E
6. Tropic Thunder
5. Iron Man
4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
3. The Dark Knight
2. No Country for Old Men
1. There Will be Blood

Worst of 2008

11. Doomsday
10. Because I said So
9. 27 Dresses
8. Superhero Movie
7. Hannibal Rising
6. Ghost Rider
5. Wanted
4. Meet the Spartans
3. Untracable
2. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull bullshit
1. The Love Guru and House *TIE*

That's pretty much it. I didn't include any movies on these lists that I had seen before. My bottom 3 movies will go down as some of the worst I have ever seen. So kudo's for that.

For next year I have decided to add on 14 movies to my total, bringing it to a robust 134. That will add about 24 more hours to the experience. Feel free to comment on my lists if you so choose so we can engage in a hearty debate about why I am right and you are wrong.