Super Soaked

I will admit that I am a major cliche at times. It is a widely accepted fact that men enjoy sports, and programing about sports is high on their list of things to watch. It is also a fact that most daytime television programming is not designed for the 20something male, but the 40something housewife. I can't stand any of the daytime talk shows. And ever since Passions got canceled I have no interest in a soap opera. If one decided that it was time to cast a talking marionette little person, I may tune in. And morning shows should all just fuck off and kill each other. So that leaves me with ESPN and their never changing rotation of 6 hours of sportscenter or DVR. Typically I will turn on Sportscenter and listen to it in the background as I make my morning ritualistic check of the same websites as yesterday. And once the hour is up and sportscenter restarts, I may or may not change it off. But usually I can't stand it after three hours.

But, with the TV constantly being tuned to ESPN during the days, coupled with the fact that I watch a lot of Reds baseball on FSN, I sometimes get the pleasure of seeing some bizarre choices in sports that are broadcast.

One of the most surreal and baffling experiences ever was at least 10 years ago when I was flipping through ESPN2. This was back towards it's inception and they were still attempting to show the non-traditional sports. The decided to dedicate an entire hour to filming and commenting on two geeks playing Magic: The Gathering. There was a huge set with lights and a specially designed table. There were two "experts" delivering the play by play. It was bizarre. I don't think anyone would watch it unless they themselves had some experience playing Magic. And I never saw it come on again, so perhaps this was a one time filler slot. But I wish I could find it now, just to marvel at the absurdity of it all.

There was also my short lived obsessions with watching competitive paintball, arm wrestling, domino's, and back when I was a child the competitive skeet shooting with the big scoring grid.

But the latest bizarre sport captured on film and presented to the masses came on late the other night on FSN. Competitive Yo Yo.

Just let that sink in a bit. It may take a while to fully grasp the concept.

Much like the Magic show that was on years ago, this was a fully produced competition with lighting and multiple camera angles and commentary. But none of this wizardry could cover up that it was a simple black stage set up in some kind of meeting room at the Radison in Kansas City, Kansas or some such wasteland. And I have to say the poor souls that were competing were actually very talented yo-yo artists. This was far more advanced than a simple "walking the dog" or "cat's cradle" In fact the commentators either were very knowledgeable about the sport, or were very adept at making shit up on the spot. They had names such as "a double monkey shines", "backwards goofy flip", and "inverted atomic jammer" I made all those up, but you get the point. It was like when back in the day when we would all go freestyle walking and make up the ridiculous names for the stunts we were pulling.

I couldn't really understand what made one guy any better than the other. None of them got their lines tangled up in a huge mess, and no one dropped their yo yo's. But some were criticized for not doing original or hard tricks. They all looked hard and original.

And this I think is where some of the more non conventional things that get put on TV lose people. While they are just a novelty act that most people can enjoy in short bursts, these productions try and create story lines and characters out of the people. They go into great length about people's backgrounds and their accomplishments in their sports. But because most of these type of shows only are on the air once or twice, mostly in the wee hours of the morning, you will never be able to see any progression or learn anything about these people. You only watch it for a half hour, and then forget about it. I can't remember any of the people that were on the show, just that they were doing crazy yo yo tricks in some ballroom. So why waste the time and energy trying to create stories about these people and just show the action. It leaves a far deeper impression than the five minute montage about someone.