Blogger Q

First of all there has been a lot of confusion. I am a trusted Hollywood insider. Whenever a star falls into the mud, I am there. I have my ear to the pulse of Hollywood and know all the latest and greatest tinsel town gossip . The people I know, and who know me could buy and sell you a million times a day in the breakneck world of Hollywood. Where as Alan is a teacher in a backwater town. I am NOT ALAN! I just use his account to post.

Anyway I have been hitting the winter trail to find out what each and every celeb and celeb couple has gotten for Christmas. My naughty and nice list has filled out nicely and I am here exclusively to post the dirt.

Vince V. (of film fame) unfortunately missed his flight home for Christmas and fortunately met a quirky young Jewish girl. Who he then showed around New York and introduced her to Christmas. They fell in love, even after he met her wacky family.

Billy C. (of pumpkin smashing fame) made the nice list and got a trip to Africa for a photo safari. Unfortunately he came down with Ebola and is currently fighting for his life. Well blogger Q says Get well soon.

Warren B. (of Billionaire Fame) had his Christmas wish granted when his team of Ringers defeated a scrappy young orphanage's hockey team 3-2. This allowed Warren to build a slightly larger money bin on the site of the former orphanage.

Neil P. H. (of Film and TV fame) was actually very nice this year and deserved a good gift. However, because he is a gay man taking up a straight role on TV. He got nothing.

Jodie F. (of film fame) got a very nice card from an up and coming star by the name of John H. Jr. Again she was not impressed by the card. Well to whoever this young man is Blogger Q says Never give up. Your dream is in reach someday she'll crack.

William H. M. (of film fame) made the nice list again by finally getting that 10 speed he has always wanted. However his wife Felicity H. was disappointed by his gift of genital herpes.

Sarah P. (of Moose hunting fame) finally made the nice list for not listening to her husband and not aborting a retarded baby.

Derek M (Of film fame) saw what the universe was like if he had never been born. Then he decided it would be a better place without him, which is why you have never heard of him.

Your M. (of giving birth to you fame) pretended to like the gift you gave her but was still secretly disappointed by both the gift and the way you live your life.

Know any celeb gossip please post in comments! Until next time keep your cameras focused on Hollywood.
Q

Hot Cakes.....Get your Hot Cakes Here!

Tonight Alan and I engaged in some Fiction Based Improv Olympics. We each wrote the start of a story and passed it back and forth a few times continuing where the other had left off. Please to enjoy!

Dark Holiday
The night was cold and dreary. Rain and snow mixed together to fall to earth as a mushy form of hell. Everything froze as it made contact with any earthly shape. Anyone with any sense about them stayed indoors and made due with whatever provisions and entertainment was available to them. Alice sat in her room playing with her toys and wishing for a warm summer’s day.
Alice alternated between playing with her favorite toys and cursing whoever had caused such awful weather. Alice wanted desperately to go outside and bask in the summer sun and soak up the warmth of the earth. As Alice played with her toys her mind continued to wrap around the hatred she felt for the cold and rain and sleet. Her heart cursed anyone associated with such a vile time of year. At that moment Alice loathed winter and anything associated with it, including Christmas. She wished Christmas would just be canceled and for the sun to come out and warm everything up.
In the North Pole, Santa Clause was forced into bed rest. He was suffering from all kinds of pains and afflictions that had suddenly affected him out of the blue. It was as if some unknown source had cursed him with some kind of evil voodoo and was inflicting as much pain and suffering that they could imagine. Santa could not bear to leave his bed, let alone fly his reindeer around the world delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. Including a young Miss Alice who was due for some very special gifts.
"Who can help me with my deliveries?"
The puss ran from his mouth
"Who can save Christmas?"
As Santa checked his rolodex he eventually landed on Father Christmas. Who was occupied.
After exhausting all his options. Senor Noel, Felix David. St. Nick. All were busy. He tried his last option.

Alice waited buy the tree. As midnight drew near she felt a cold wind that cut her very soul. In it she realized all the bad things she had done for the last year. The sadness she made everyone feel. The pain. The suffering.
Then a spindly body sleeked from the Chimney.
"Santa?"
"Santa"
"No" came the raspy reply.
As the beast stood, it was green and quite the opposite of jolly.
"I am Kinter Krouse"
"Who, W-Wheres Santa?"
"Santa no longer exists. By this time he is no more"
"What did you do to him you monster?"
"Me, nothing it was a demon known as Diabetes I am his replacement."
"So d-did you bring me toys?"
"Yesss deary I did but you may not like them."

With that a puff of smoke filled the room and the beast was gone. Beneath the tree lay piles of presents but some didn't seem right.
Kitner Krouse escaped the house after depositing his new toys for young Alice. He rejoiced in the fact that his long time nemesis Santa was dead and he could now distribute his evil and vile toys to the young people throughout the world.
Back in Alice’s living room she took her first present in her hand. It was a small wooden box that resembled a jewelry box much like her mothers. Alice raised the lid expecting some charming song to play and perhaps a small ballerina to spin, but what was inside scarred young Alice so bad she recoiled in horror and dropped the box. Inside was a still beating heart that once belonged to Santa Clause. Kitner had given it to Alice because she was the final child to wish harm upon Santa in one form or another, and he had finally succumbed to his disease and perished.
Alice began crying uncontrollably and wished she could take it all back. All the bad things she had done and all the bad things she had thought about Santa.
Suddenly a booming voice filled the room.
“Alice, you can make it all go away. All you must do is truly change your heart and renounce the bad things you have done, and all will return to normal”
Alice recognized the booming voice of that of Santa Clause and knew what she must do. She must ask Santa for forgiveness for all she had done and hope that it was enough to end Kitner’s hold on Christmas and bring Santa back. While still hearing the beating of Santa’s heart in the box at her feet, Alice closed her eyes so tight and asked Santa to mark her down as being nice instead of naughty.
As soon as she finished her thought, Alice fell to the floor. A black ooze began to pour from every hole in her body. The steaming pile of evil spilled out of Alice and began to envelop her. Soon enough there was nothing left of Alice but a big black stain on the floor.
From far away, Kitner Klouse could be heard laughing as his plan had worked and he had claimed another young child’s soul for his collection.

Secret Origins.
The Greatest
I was the greatest! The Greatest! From Tulsa to Santa Fe I played. Every song, I literally knew every song. Until that faithful night in tombstone! As I was leaving the bar, I failed to notice the ruffians' mule which was hitched to the post. As its hoof rose, in the blink of an eye I was down. The hoof print forever etched into my forehead. But worst of all I couldn't remember my songs. Now I was forced to play again from, Sheet Music. I feel ill just thinking about it. Now the worst part. I had to give up my carefree life of booze, broads and tunes. Now I must give lessons.
The Student
My mom is making me do this. I really wanted to be a cowboy or at least an Indian. I never wanted to play the piano! But my mom said, "I won't have you dying in a gun fight like all your 5 brothers." You're my baby and its culture for you. So I must play. After all I'm all she has left since my sisters were kidnapped by Indians (oh how I wish I was them. So I am forced to spend every afternoon with that freak! Why should I play piano when I was destined to shoot?
The Greatest
The boy comes in dull and limp as ever. He has no posture. That's the key you know, posture. He shall never be successful on the stage. Not only that but he is such a pansy!! I think his mother has strangled every ounce of boyhood out of him. And she is so damn clingy. Always hovering, trying to interject during my lessons. Even with this hoof print forever embedded in my skull I am twenty times the player that she ever will be. I wish she would just leave us alone and let me do the job she pays me such a pittance to do. And this kid will never learn anything. He's more concerned with escaping his mother's tyranny than learning anything about the beautiful instrument.
The Student
My piano teacher is so weird. He walks around talking about how he's the greatest piano player that ever lived, but he can hardly read the music and his head looks like it could be used as an ashtray. And he smells like he's drunk all the time. Just like Daddy used to be before he ran off on mom and me. I don't like him very much. On top of his insistence on my posture being perfect, he keeps asking me about girls in my school and when I will get a girlfriend. First of all, I'm way too young to be thinking of girlfriends, and girls are just so gross and weird. I'd much rather play with Ronny from down the street. Playing Good Cop, Bad Prisoner is way better than trying to hammer out some stupid song on the piano. And when we are done with all the lessons for the day, my teacher insists on showing me some new dumb card trick he's come up with.
The Greatest
This pansy boy will never amount to a hill of beans. He doesn't even like my card tricks. Everyone likes my card tricks! At least all the ladies do. And that's another thing. This kid has no interest in girls. What a fruitcake. At least the checks clear. Keeps me in liquor if nothing else. He also has no idea what makes a good piano player. I tell him regulate your body. Drink 17 cups of milk a day. Have good posture. Just yesterday I saw him drinking a soda. A soda! Someday I will escape this life. I will use my swift fingers and deft hands to leave this impossible horrible retched life. TO ESCAPE!
The student
Something strange happened today. First teacher showed up in a straight jacket and bound by what he said was 100 yards of rope (looked more like 98 to me). He then had me bound him to a flagpole upside down and I'm good at knots cause of all my games. He quickly and quite easily escaped then chained himself inside the piano and appeared outside naked (quite a sight). Then he proclaimed that my lack of talent ruined his love for piano. I will show this bastard. He doubts me. I will grow up big and strong. I will drink my milk. I will become the greatest piano player ever. Not only that but I will make my piano playing into a show. The show to end all shows. I will show that Mr. Houdini or my name isn't liberachi.
Epilogue
Thus two great careers were born and the world was never the same.

Gambit

So, I found a talent that Gambit possessed early in his infancy. Through very little prompting from me, he would play fetch. He's taken with this little plush ball that has feathers coming out of the top. He'll carry that ball around in his mouth like it's a live catch and he's hunting for his family. He'll growl and hiss at Rouge if she is even in his eye line, let alone making a move towards his precious.

He has since chewed all the feathers off that ball so that now all that's left are a few tufts of what used to be feathers, but now resemble a few strands of dark troll hair. But he still loves that dumb ball all the same.

Last night we played fetch for about an hour. I would alternate throwing it into the office or into the dining room from my perch in the Captains chair. And he would sprint off to find it and recapture his prize. He would then prance back over to me and drop the ball close to my feet and wait for his next opportunity to fetch. At one point I threw it over his head, and he popped up and caught the damn thing in his mouth.

I say all this to dissuade all those cat haters out there that characterize them as cold and callus to humans and are only concerned with their own feelings. They like to play with us. They care if we are around.

I had this post ready to go last night, but held off on posting it. I figured I would spruce it up in the morning and then post it. The first interaction I had with Rouge was her jumping on my chest and cutting one of the stinkiest farts I have smelled out of her. And shortly after that Gambit was chasing the previously mentioned ball around the living room and unplugged the cable box. As you all know, that is a big no-no. He's been exiled to the dining room. But I did throw his ball in there for him before shutting him out of my life for a bit. Stupid cats. Just when you think they are learning, they show you that they don't give a fuck what you think.

House

Occasionally I find movies that I want to watch based on their descriptions through netflix. Either they were suggested to me because of some rating I gave to a different movie, or the same actors appear or whatever. So I read the little paragraph description about the movie and see if it peaks my interest. I of course always forget that these little descriptions are written by someone that was paid to say nice and interesting things about the movie.

That leads us to House. What was presented to me as a horror movie about a serial killer that lures people to his "house" and then leaves them rules about how to survive his game, I was mildly intrigued. It isn't material that hasn't been covered before, but it sets the stage for an entertaining premise. Throw in the fact that the serial killer, known as the Tin Man because he leaves his rules written on a tin can for the people to find, was to be played by Michael Madsen. That dude can play a creepy, psychopathic killer. So I figured this is going to be awesome.

The beginning plays out like many other horror movies before it. Couple is traveling to some destination. They are bickering and generally don't get along. There is mention of going to couples counselling. This all sets up their story that they will not get along in a high pressure environment well. They quickly run into one of the most used horror movie problems, car trouble, and make their way to seek shelter and find a phone in a secluded bed and breakfast. So far I'm with the movie.

They get to the old Victorian mansion and find that there is a second couple that also had car trouble investigating the house. They find no sign of any workers or other people at the house, and continue to explore. There are some creepy creeks and groans of the spooky house, and some quick cuts of a child laughing and giggling in the dark. Again, nothing new here, but it was setting a mood quite effectively. Still with it.

Shortly there after the house owners show up and are creepy as hell. The old woman that runs the place is very creepy. She has one son who becomes fixated with one of the women and wants to marry her right away. He gave off the creepy inbred retarded vibe, again not new in horror movies, but was done effectively. There's a second brother who's introduced who is gruff and evil. All three of these new characters were really starting to creep me out, and I had high hopes for what was to come, because I knew I was still waiting for The Tin Man to show up, and I thought there was going to be some awesome stuff coming.

But oh how wrong I was. I started noticing some oddly placed lines in the script. Instead of talking about how sleeping together was dirty, it was referred to as a sin. There were multiple instances of the word sin, as in "guilty as sin, heavy as sin, sinners, etc..." I started to get a bad feeling in my head. This couldn't possibly be some kind of christian propaganda movie thinly veiled in a horror movie could it? Michael Madsen will save the day, I just know it.

Of course I was wrong.

The rest of the film, until the very end, you just see The Tin Man in shadows stalking people around with a stupid mask on. The four people that were lead to the house are all revealed to have some horrible secret. The one couple both killed someone that was abusing them, and the second couple didn't pay attention to their daughter and she ended up drowning. These flashbacks are done to give you the impression of the abuse, but not really show it. BUT, the people feel bad about killing their abusers. Because it was a SIN.

The movie held so much promise for about 30 minutes, then delved fully into some dumb ass christian allegory for the next hour, culminating in them finding the "good" sister who was shunned in the basement. Her good "light" will destroy all the evil in the house, but only if they believed in her and rejected what the "evil" Tin Man was saying. What started out as just a mild christian indoctrination became such a farce that one could not help but draw the conclusions they wanted you to make. Granted anyone watching this movie that knew it was based in Christian Theology would already be "saved" and not need to watch the movie, and any gore hound like myself is going to watch it thinking awesome shit is about to go down, and then just groan and hate everything about the movie. Way to go asshats.

I will say one thing. The first thirty minutes are awesome. If you take that and then added on another hour of what should have come, and this movie would have rocked. It was shot well though. Visually it looked good. Though that's seldom enough to make a movie worth watching.

Why God, Why???

P.S. And for those wondering, this was movie 98 for the year. I'm going to have to buckle down if I'm going to hit my goal of 120. Wish me luck.

I AM RIPPER! I AM DISAPPOINTING! I AM BEOWULF

So they took the oldest story in England's history.  They changed it and they they made it really disappointing. Sure this movie may be good in theater.  But this movie certainly is a let down on DVD.  Over all on the KCBS scale its a 4.

Just read the damn book. 

Blogger Q's Thanksgiving Gossip

So like all good celeb reporters I went to great pains to learn what your favorite celebs ate at Thanksgiving

Brad P. (of film fame) ate an entire turducken!  After this he had no digestive trouble at all due to his super human metabolism that allows him to travel at super speed.  Also he was seen removing a costume of some sort from a ring.

The J. Brothers (of music and film fame) had the traditional family meal of Turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and asparagus cooked so its not firm.  However they used no spices, salts or flavors because "We like our food like we like our music, lame, dry, flavorless and kinda limp."  They followed the meal with naps all except the youngest who was returned to the cage for asking mommy where the money was going.

Dame Judy D (of film fame)  ate 23 pounds of astronaut ice cream but not for Thanksgiving cause you know she's British.  

Lou "Diamond" P. (of T.V. fame) spent all this Thanksgiving doing what he loves, blow.

Sasha O. (of Presidential-Elect Daughter fame) spent all Thanksgiving complaining about how the new puppy had to be so ugly just because her bratty sister was allergic. 

Rosie O. (of Exit to Eden fame) spent thanksgiving wondering why her variety special was advertised so damn much during football. She was quoted as saying  "Why the hell would any one who watches football want to watch a fucking variety show staring Rosie?  Especially given that the closeted or gay ones will all be watching Dancing with the Stars anyway."

Pocahontas (of Native American fame) spent yet another Thanksgiving wondering why the hell teachers spend so much time talking about her at this time of year.  Especially, because she had nothing to do with Thanksgiving because she lived in Jamestown and died of smallpox in 1617 four years before the traditional thanksgiving.  Also, she wonders why so many of you masturbate to her Disney characterization cause she thinks that's kinda sick.  

Addition by Addition

To add some new flavor to my blog, which I feel is growing a bit stagnant, I have added two new contributors to my personal blogosphere. My good buddy Alan Birkemeier will be a new poster. I have encouraged him to do book reviews, as he reads about as many books as I watch movies. I am sure he will also update about his life out west teaching the Mormon children.

And after such success and fanfare of his last post, entertainment gossip hound extraordinaire, Blogger Q has graced me with his exclusive thoughts and information. He will also be posting starting soon.

On a side note, be sure to check out http://ianvjoe.blogspot.com/ if you get the chance. Be sure to vote on the polls.

Saw 3/4

Well, to further along the great 08 quest, I watched Saw 3 and 4 on back to back nights this past weekend. I had not seen either one, and it seemed like as good a plan as any to watch these. I enjoyed the first in this series, even if the acting was suspect at the time. There was a nice twist ending for that one. Of course because they had such an effective and surprising twist ending in the first one, they feel the need to continue the twist ending tradition. Of course this makes it really unsurprising and may constitute not being a twist if everyone is expecting it. Anyway, back on track.

Saw 1, enjoyed it. I saw the sequel in the theater with my wife. And as many of my dear readers will know already, I have a strong aversion to needles. I can't stand the thought of getting my blood drawn, and avoid shots more than the diseases they prevent. So when Ad said she could feel my blood pressure drop during the needle pit scene in Saw 2, I knew she wasn't lying.

This brings me to point number one about Saw 3/4, and horror movies in general. I do not consider myself a squeamish person. I watch a lot of horror movies, and have seen people die on screen in many many crazy ways. I play a lot of video games where you can dismember or behead your opponents and victims. Seeing blood on screen has never been a problem for me. Unless it is very realistic. Torture scenes and realistic forms of violence can get under my skin. There was one scene in hostel that really bothered me, but the rest of the movie was so over the top that it was much easier to handle.

In Saw 3 there are quite a few traps/scenarios that are so unbelievable that they don't' bother me. I feel like I have a pretty good disconnect in my mind when watching scary movies about suspending disbelief and rules of logic. But let's take a scene from Saw 3 as an example. Victim A is strapped to a machine designed to twist all his limbs and head until they spin all the way around. Now this is a gruesome thought, and they do a good job of conveying the horror and pain that the guy must be going through. That is until his leg spins all the way around with all the bones broken, and he continues screaming and begging for help until his head (last in the circuit of course) is spun round and his neck is broken. Now, again suspending disbelief can go only so far. That dude would have passed out from shock after 20 seconds, not the 2 or 3 minutes that was depicted. And because of this, I was able to not be affected by it at all.

That one scene demonstrates my overall feeling of Saw 3. They went over the top so far that it was easy to disconnect from it and not be fully engaged.

Saw 4 picks up right where the third instalment ended. A new set of victims is introduced, as well as new and different way for them to die. Though in the fourth movie, they seemed to cut down on the gore and death and try to focus more on story development. Which is a rare thing in a movie that is based and designed to be more fast paced and gory. It also tips the viewer off quite early that they have no intention of stop making these movies, and they will continually drop hints and foreshadow for future movies. Which means it's hard to get emotionally engaged with any of these characters. By the end of 4, we are introduced to the new main bad guy and they leave the door wide open for future sequels. And I have no doubt that once 6 comes out, 7 won't be close behind.

I'm not as shocked that this franchise is still going. Not long ago franchises like Nightmare on Elm Street and the Friday the 13th series made movies until it seemed they had run out of ideas, and then made about 3 more after that. As long as Saw makes money, which it does ever year, they will keep making them. And until they stop making money, they will extend the overall story arc. There will be just enough info given to make you want to see the next (ie spend the money) Thus I can't judge the quality of this whole series until it's over.

I like the premise, I like the actors they keep bringing in. They seem to be keeping up with themselves in terms of coming up with gruesome ways to off people. But it can only be stretched so thin before people just don't care anymore. It defiantly feels like the rubber band is stretched thin at this point. Lets hope they wrap up the series before it snaps.

Yeah, I know

I have been quite slack in my blogging over the past few months. I was quite busy with this little thing called my wedding, but now that that's over, I'm ready to re enter the blogosphere with some infrequent updates.

I've watched about 10 movies since my last update. I'm not going to update about all of the, mostly because I don't feel like it. I did see Pineapple Express, which I thought was really good. The best parts for me were the throw away lines that don't do anything for the story, but are still hilarious. I think my favorite one is when one of the guys calls his grandma and says "You lost all your money playing bid whist?" It's not really that funny on the page, but damn it cracked my shit up on the screen.

I also saw Foot Fist Way starring Danny McBride. I think he's going to be the next big star to pop out of the Judd Apatow crew. He has some memorable but hilarious parts in Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder. But Foot Fist Way is his main vehicle. And it's fucking hilarious. Check it out if you can find it. It's out on DVD or Netflix it. Do what ever you can.

The wedding went off without any major complications. I was quite shocked. I forgot a few things here and there, but nothing that anyone other than Adie and I noticed. Alan and Katie delivered very nice and very short toasts, no one was almost kicked out for public intoxication. We got some really good pictures, as well as some freaky ones that we ad libbed. Once we get the final shots back, I'll update with some of the better offerings. Adie says it was a perfect day, so I think I accomplished my goals.

Instead of going on a honeymoon right away, we decided to just have one really nice meal out. Between our limited budget and limited days off Adie could take off, we figured it was the most prudent option. We will still look to go somewhere over spring break, or during next summer. Anyway, we went to Restaurant Tallent here in town and it was awesome. Adie had some black truffle and goat cheese tortellini's and I had rabbit. I had never had rabbit before, but I figured that I could risk it in such an establishment. And it turned out really good. I'd eat there every night if I was rich as fuck, but I ain't, so it's Taco Bell instead.

Married life is really no different than my life before, except for a few key improvements. I now have health insurance for the first time since 1999. While I have not had the opportunity to make use of it yet, I rest better knowing that it is there just in case. I also have the privilege and honour of bringing one more Smith into the fold, as Adie has now changed her name. I know that I have done a good thing for all Smith's out there. I am afraid that the name will die out soon, so there is at least one more for now to carry the legacy on.

I also got to witness history yesterday as America elected Obama as their next president. I didn't think it was ever possible for Indiana to vote Democratic either, so it was a night of firsts. While it is not a fix that will make all the troubles go away over night, I do whole heartily believe that he is the best person to be in the White House to try and tackle all this crazy ass shit that's going on. Here's hoping he starts removing the ridiculous parts of the patriot act and starts repealing the no child left behind act. One can only hope.

I will attempt to keep up a better blogging schedule from here on out. I also need to ramp up my movie watching if I'm going to even come close to my goal of 120 for this year. I will now leave everyone with a word of wisdom from the prophet Lil' Wayne

"Your like a bitch with no ass, you ain't got shit."

blogger Q's Celebrity Update

Hi all I am the first guest blogger on Bigredcrunch.blogspot.com. As many of you know Ben is getting married on Sat. So congratulations on that. Here is some dirt I heard lately:

Manny R. (of sports fame) cuts the bottom layer of skin off homeless peoples' feet then uses the skin as a strainer in his specially imported coffee.

Paula A. (of TV and music fame) likes to screw the caps off salt shakers and then barely attach them so that it will spill salt all over the place the next time it is used. Surprisingly she only does this at Denny's.

Eric C. (of music fame) use to have a cocaine problem! Also had a long affair with the wife of George H. (who rumor has it is dead).

Sarah P. (of national notoriety) is actually going to pull an Arron Burr (look it up)

Tony H. (of sports fame) has never actually played his video game because hes Amish.

Will S. (of last man on Earth fame) was recently seen gallivanting with Susan S. (of acting fame) in the L.A. river. Word has it they were fighting giant ants, that mutated after the bomb blasts outside of Vegas but this could not be confirmed.

John C. (of savior of humanity fame) wishes that he could have one good nights sleep.

Brad P. (of acting fame) was recently seen discovering the lost city of El Dorado, only to be disappointed when it turned out to be Atlantis, only to be further disappointed to learn it was a set for Stargate.

Micheal L. (of acting fame) was recently seen among the living. This time as an angel that helps people to earn his way into heaven as though on some sort of road.

That's all for now. If you know anymore dirt from tinsel town please post in comments also don't use full names so we can't get sued.

Grassroots Cont....

73, 75. Tropic Thunder
I get what Ben Stiller was going for here. And it was hilarious and wrong and shot just perfectly. But it's hard I think for most of the people going to see funny movies to get the deeply rooted messages that are in this movie. And it will probably suffer at the box office because of it. But I don't care. Stiller made everyone so much money with Meet the Parents/Fockers that he can make whatever he wants. And if he does stuff like this or zoolander, I'm in.

76. Masters of Horror: We All Scream for Ice Cream
A nice little horror movie about voodoo ice cream. That's right. If your kid eats the voodoo ice cream, you painfully and graphically melt into piles of ice cream. Featuring one of the guys from Oz, who's name escapes me, as the protagonist who is fighting against the evil clown spreading the voodoo. It was pretty ok. The nice thing about the MOH series is that they are only 60 minutes long. This story is helped by that as it would have had to stretch really far to make an extra 30 minutes.

77. Wire in the Blood: Torment
I remember what this one was about, unlike the previous entry in the series. I was looking forward to this one as I read the novel it was based on. The novel was really good and featured some interesting twists and turns. So when I was watching this adaptation, I knew the twists that were coming up. Though I knew, it made the experience better. They do a really good job of subtle foreshadowing, which makes it easier to re-watch later. Because I knew who the baddies were, I could scowl as they tipped their hats and gave off clues.

78. What Happens in Vegas
On the way up to a friends house for Labor Day festivities, I had the good idea to take my computer and a movie to watch in the car. I figured it would allow me to pass the time and pad the stats at the same time. I failed to take into account the fact that I would be sitting in the back seat, which is small compared to me. Factor in that I have a very large laptop that didn't fit on my lap, due again to the large man/small back seat equation, and the sun glare that came in from all sides because this was around 4pm, and it was less than optimal conditions for movie watching.
The 30 second trailer made sure to include all the funny parts in it, so there was nothing surprising coming. The trailer also included one of my favorite comedians, Zack Galifinakis. What the trailer also included was his entire performance in the movie, which was disappointing. There were a few other funny parts, but overall this was another rom com. Though this one was heavier on the com till close to the end, when it ramped up with the romance. Overall it was cute and not terrible. I liked it better than 27 Dresses, which isn't saying much.

And that catches me up on the blogging. I need to step it up if I'm going to make my goal for the year. The wedding is less than 6 weeks away, so it will be a juggling act between school commitments and wedding plans.

Grassroots Movement

68. Step Brothers.
It's not a secret that Will Ferral has turned himself and his preferred style of comedy into a money making machine that churns out movie after movie riffing on the same things just with different backgrounds. Step Brothers is right in line with most of this, but veers off into a more "adult" direction. I say adult because he just cusses more and has some brief, yet funny, scenes of man danglies. The basic plot is two adult men who refuse to grow up and enjoy video games, kung fu, rocking out, and general silliness. Somehow I broke down the walls and connected with these two dueling personalities. It was a stretch, dear reader, but I made that leap. Very funny at times, and overall enjoyable. Though I was glad to only pay $5 for it, since there was really nothing in there that needed viewing on a big screen. It also achieved status of a movie that Adie would be embarrassed being seen at by her students/parents. Though that list continually grows when she's out with me.

69. Sex and the City
Yes, I know how unlike me it was to watch all the shows and the movie. Yes I know that my masculinity can be called into question because of all this. And No, I didn't start peeing sitting down while I took these in. As some of you may or may not know I have a fairly addictive personality. Once my mind grabs onto something I grab all I can until I have either finished or super saturated myself. So once I got the SATC bug with Kristen at the start of the summer, coupled with the interwebs available to me to acquire what I needed, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be all over for me. So once the movie came out and I was able to aquire it, I waited until I was done with everything else. As was my habit with SATC, I generally only watched them when I was alone, and could watch like 15 episodes in a row. So one day when Adie was away I fired up the movie to finish this odyssey. Surprisingly, I felt more like simpson than homer throughout.
The movie took some criticism from the critics because it was too long, had cheesy voice overs, and had no strong male characters. Of course this is exactly what made the show popular, and if the movie makers had veered from their formula they probably would have had a riot of horny middle aged housewives on their hands. The movie effectively continued the overall story arcs of all the characters, and wrapped up in a predictable fashion that both tied everything up neatly, but also left the door open in case they make a sequal(read:want to make lots more money). My one complaint in the context of the stories is how they wrapped up Samantha's storyline. They spent the better part of the last season and movie establishing how she had grown and changed, only to erase it all for no real good reason.
Now excuse me while I go pee sitting down. SHIT!!! My secret is out.
(It was also a coincidence that SATC was the 69th movie of the year)

70. Hannibal Rising
Another one of my obsessions is the acquisitions of DVD's. I have over 500 when you factor in box sets. And inevitably I buy DVD's that I have never seen, but that I have a feeling I will enjoy. So when I found Hannibal Rising, the prequel if you will to the Hannibal Lecter story, for a cheap price one day at Blockbuster I snatched it up. So one day when a buddy came over to watch a movie, I let him pick. He picked this one as he was also a Hannibal fan and it was on my DVD's I own that I have never seen list. Well we are both are horror movie buffs and were ready to see what Hannibal was all about. We quickly realized he was all about his creators cashing in on a big check. His back story was very convoluted and pretty dumb. The whole movie was basically his revenge on some people that wronged him and his sister when they were little. But it was boring and dumb and very predictable. This had something to do with the fact that of course we knew Hannibal was never going to die, because he appears in several movies that are set after this. This is one of my main complaints with dramatic situations in series. Such as 24. Everyone knows that Jack Bauer isn't going to die in season 3, when season 6 is already out. Even if you haven't seen a second of it, you know whatever sticky situation Bauer gets himself into, he'll survive. Anyway, back on point. One good part of the movie was the unknown french guy they got to play young Hannibal. He was quite good at emulating what Hopkins had earlier done with the character. He did the best he could with a sub-par script. Skip it if you can. I also quickly sold this DVD after we watched it, which marked a rarity for me where I get rid of DVDs.

71. Cracker: A new terror
As I've reviewed before, this is a BBC series starring Haggred. This one was good and dark as it covered some PTSD of war veterens while also touching on the Iraq war and it's potential consequenses on the soldiers that are fighting. A former soldier snaps one night while flashing back to some war time experiences and starts killing people. Haggred tracks him down and tries to help him, but he's to far gone. This was a very dark and powerful movie, which again confirmed to me that the British can put together much finer psychological dramas than Americans on TV.

72. Wire in the Blood: Time to Murder and Create
Just as I compliment the Brits, I follow it up with a damning post. Another one of my favorite BBC series is wire in the blood. To date I've watched 14 in this series, each one that clocks in at 1:30. But for the life of me I can't remember what this one was about. Even my very basic search of wikipedia and imdb about this episode gave me nothing to jog the memory. This is one of the problems with not updating the blog as I watch things. It's lost in the ether somewhere. I dont' remember hating this one, but I can' tell you anything about it. I'll need to work on that, as one of the main reasons besides sharing with my dear readers my very important ramblings, it is an effective way for me to chronicale what I media I take in in a year and remember what I thought about it for later reflection.

74. Ghost Rider
Another of the DVD's that I thought I would like, but ended up not. Though to be fair this was recomended to me because it was so terrible. And man were they not kidding. Nic Cage has no place doing action movies anymore. I know he did this film because he's a huge comic book nerd, but really he didn't have anything to do with the production and script. But man it's laughably bad. Avoid, even if you like comics and ghost rider. I also promptly sold this one too, so not only can I mark it on the list for the year, I can remove it from my DVD list. Booyakasha!!!

Bow Down Before the One you Serve

Calling all (any) readers. As I have slowed in my updates to what could only be considered a snail's pace, I'm putting out a request to anyone who actually visits this page to send me some suggestions about what you want to hear me spew about. Hopefully I will get a few submissions to jump start the creative process once again.

BREAKING NEWS...I'm slow at updates

59. Paul Mooney: Analyzing White America
Paul Mooney was first introduced to me on Chappelle's show and I was intrigued by his delivery and style of comedy. He's quite up front and confrontational about his perceived slights. This was a recording of his stand up routine. While he's not very animated, and spends the entire set sitting back in a chair, he is no less captivating or boring because of it. While some of his material is more social commentary than actual comedy, he still delivers some funny stuff and entertains throughout.

61. 27 Dresses
Adie enjoyed this one. It starred Katherine Heigel, who I used to enjoy on Grey's Anatomy and in Knocked Up but who has fallen out of grace with me after she publicly bashed Knocked Up and it's creators as being misogynistic and exploitative. Here's a quick thought. If you thought it was derogatory and a bad role for you, don't take it. Here's one more. Don't bash the people that launched your movie career only after you've made a few more films (read: money). Anyway, this was a "rom-com" centered around weddings and whatnot. I'm sure it resonated a bit more with Adie due to the pending nuptials. I watched it with her one night to pad the stats for this year. It was light on both the rom and the com and ended up being really boring to me. Feel free to skip this unless your body possess ovaries.

62. The Love Guru
Skip it. It's not funny. It's borderline offensive if you think you know what funny is. I equated this the other day to a friend to be "Mike Meyers did something funny that was funny in 1997. And he's never changed the jokes. Just the wording. But the jokes remain the same. And if you hear a joke now that you heard 11 years ago, it's not going to be funny anymore." I only laughed one time, and it was during a scene where Mike Meyers was no where to be found.

63. The Dark Knight
You may have noticed, intrepid reader that I skipped a number earlier. Or you may have not noticed at all, in which case, shame on your head. You must read every last character that I churn out here. For they are all my children and I love them equally. Anyway, I saw The Dark Knight twice in a week. Thus the skipping of order.
It was awesome.
Dark, violent, and well paced. I love that Nolan doesn't have to bow to any pressures from the studio to make it family friendly like the original sequels. There isn't the need for huge tie ins to every imaginable product that must be acceptable to everyone in the world. The studio let the people make an awesome movie, and they will end up making close to a billion dollars on the whole thing when it's said and done.
The Joker is the best villain Batman has, and they nailed it down in the film. He's presented just as he should be in this type of movie. He's just a crazed man not afraid of anything and ready to deal out mayhem at the drop of a card.
My one complaint is the completely overacted and distractingly funny way Bale decides to voice Batman. They explain why he does it in the movie, to hide his real identity, but it's just so cheesy and fake. But if that's my only complaint about the movie, then they kicked some major ass.

64. Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Tour
One dark and gloomy day I found myself at home alone. Faced with a dark cloud overhead and nothing else to distract me I turned to Netflix and their wonderful new "View it now" option. I ended up watching three comedies in hopes of boosting my mood.
The first was this Vince Vaughn project. Much like the Dane Cook Tourgasm from a few years ago, they filmed a group of lesser know comics on the road with a well known headliner. The four guys they picked for the show were funny at times, adequate the rest of the time. It was more a documentary about their travels as they put on 30 shows in 30 nights. They toured the hurricane damaged south and donated money to charity. They toured around and did whatever they wanted for 30 days.
Overall it was funny at times. If you like seeing the behind the scenes stuff that goes into a traveling concert tour, than this will appeal to you more. But if you think your just going to see two hours of comedy, than you would be disappointed.

65. The Comedians of Comedy: The Movie
This was a repeat for me, but I knew it would guarantee a laugh. I love the four comics that they used for this project. Much like the previous entry, they followed comics trying something different and documented not only the shows by the rest of their travels. Check it out. It's much better put together and features some truly alternative and subversive comedy that will entertain to no end.

66. Super High Me
A documentary featuring known pot head Doug Benson in his quest to see the effects on his body after not smoking weed for 3o days, and then smoking weed all the time for 30 days following. He went to numerous doctors and psychologists to test his memory, IQ, psychic ability, sperm count, and overall health while he was "clean" and then took the same tests during his month long high. Overall it didn't make a huge difference either way to any of the tests. His one major revelation was that he thought he would be sick of smoking after 30 days, and he wasn't. And when I say he was high for 30 days, I mean all fucking day. He would smoke as soon as he got up and continue throughout the day until he went to sleep. There wasn't a waking moment for him that month that he wasn't high.
And much like Dave Chappelle has admitted, random people will recognize him and just give him drugs. So he's never at a shortage for weed.
This also featured a sub plot about the licenced and legal distributors in California who provide weed and weed products to those prescribed it medically. I'm not saying that those people shouldn't be able to use the drug to dull their pain. But instead of focusing on the patients and their true need for it, they just focused more on how the DEA wants to shut them down and how stupid hippies in cali think that their rights are being infringed upon. They call for the local government and police to enforce the state law, which allows the medical sale of weed, over the governmental jurisdiction. The funny part is that anywhere else in America you could never do what they do there. And they are all up in arms when one dispensary gets shut down for like a week. But the movie makes a point of pointing out that the number of dispensaries is constantly on the rise, and that there were like 300 others in the LA area that they could go to during that ONE WEEK they couldn't go to their preferred weed dealer.

67) Blade 2
I re-watched this one morning instead of tuning into my regular morning dose of sportscenter. And it pretty much was what I remembered. I think it was the best of the three blade offerings. The first movie was pretty awesome, but they had to set up all the back story and whatnot which had a tendency to drag on. The second offering in the series already had the basics established. Right off the bat they introduce the main villain, who kicks alot of ass. A new breed of vampire that was genetically modified by the other vampires in hopes that their known weaknesses would be erased. But in doing so, they created a creature much stronger than anything else, and someone who is really pissed at being cast off. So instead of the vampires feasting on the humans, and Blade trying to save them, it's a Vampire turning other vampires into it's bitch. Of course eventually they would turn on the humans once they ran out, but this movie doesn't fall into that old trap.
The visuals are pretty cool, the fight scenes passable. It was pretty good I thought. Any horror movie that takes a oft-tread theme, such as vampires or zombies, and can create something new out of it I will typically be a fan regardless.

If I could choose
I would rather be a king
Like Elvis, not Henry
Same amount of women, much less guillotine costs.

If I could decide
I'd rather be a priest like Judas
Not Jesus
Groupies all around
and some won't crucify you

And if I could pick
between damnation and redemption
I would choose happiness over all

KCBS #1

In a few short minutes we are heading to Madison for a BBQ, Blues, and Hot Air Balloon festival. This will be my first opportunity to use my prowess as a official barbeque judge. Tomorrow I will be graced with 6 portions of Chicken, Beef Brisket, Ribs, and Pork Butt. Also on the menu is a sauce contest, an "Anything Butt" competition (i.e. more meat) and finally a banana themed dessert battle.

This will be a three and a half hour orgy of meat and bananas. I'm going to do my best to not throw up or have explosive diarrhea during the middle of the competition.

Hot Rod

The 58th entry into my quest this year was Hot Rod. This starred Andy Sandburg as a fledgeling stunt man trying to raise funds so that his step dad could get a transplant. And once the transplant happens, he plans on kicking his step dad's ass.

If you like the SNL digital shorts and wish you could see a whole bunch of them strung together with a semi-coherent plotline throughout them, then this is the film for you. There are some really funny stuff in here, but its also surrounded by alot of filler and then that is surrounded by some more stuff that is either attempting to tie the story together, or just isn't funny. It's like a turducken, but with comedy. A Turducken that's been overcooked so just the middle is any good. That metephor is a bit of a strech, but I think you get the point.

Water Polo

In my completely amateur observation of the sport, it seems like a combination of Toss It and Dunking. Both I excel at. Thus, I deem that I would rule at this sport. I decided.

I love being patriotic during the Olympics

There is a special something in the air these days. Like a little extra static charge being built up on the collective footie pajama feet of the world. It's Olympic fever time. NBC has been gracious enough to supply us with a constant feed halfway across the world to see the rise and fall of our great nation as we compete in realistic and somewhat ludicrous sports.

And I couldn't be filled with more pride for our country. Of course I fully recognize that it's mostly fluff patriotism that is not real and that will disapate following the conclusion of the Olympics, but I'm loving the good ol' US of A right about now.

And in following a pattern of mine whenever the Olympics are on, I fixate on some bizarre sport that doesn't get followed round these parts. The last winter Olympics it was Curling. This summer it is developing into water polo.

I made an attempt to get into the fencing, but it was just to fast to really understand what was going on. Then it was the rifling competitions, but they too were over to quick and hard to really understand the scoring system. I did try and watch some of the equestrian events, but even with the commentators attempting to explain why this was an event and what it all entailed, it just seemed like goofballs riding around on horses in bad costumes with no discernible skill or difficulty involved. Bull Riding I could get behind. I can easily recognize the risk and skill needed to be successful. Not so much with the regular boring horse riding. They weren't even jumping over anything.

On a seperate note, I have been lax in updating on the Movie front. I'm up to a full 69 in the bag, which is a little off pace for the year, but I should be able to shatter last years record of 87 quite easilly. I'm going to work on an update on that today and hopefully have that up either tonight or tomorrow.

And I've finished SATC. Including the movie, which was the 69th of the year. By complete coincidence. Though it is oddly fitting.

Super Soaked

I will admit that I am a major cliche at times. It is a widely accepted fact that men enjoy sports, and programing about sports is high on their list of things to watch. It is also a fact that most daytime television programming is not designed for the 20something male, but the 40something housewife. I can't stand any of the daytime talk shows. And ever since Passions got canceled I have no interest in a soap opera. If one decided that it was time to cast a talking marionette little person, I may tune in. And morning shows should all just fuck off and kill each other. So that leaves me with ESPN and their never changing rotation of 6 hours of sportscenter or DVR. Typically I will turn on Sportscenter and listen to it in the background as I make my morning ritualistic check of the same websites as yesterday. And once the hour is up and sportscenter restarts, I may or may not change it off. But usually I can't stand it after three hours.

But, with the TV constantly being tuned to ESPN during the days, coupled with the fact that I watch a lot of Reds baseball on FSN, I sometimes get the pleasure of seeing some bizarre choices in sports that are broadcast.

One of the most surreal and baffling experiences ever was at least 10 years ago when I was flipping through ESPN2. This was back towards it's inception and they were still attempting to show the non-traditional sports. The decided to dedicate an entire hour to filming and commenting on two geeks playing Magic: The Gathering. There was a huge set with lights and a specially designed table. There were two "experts" delivering the play by play. It was bizarre. I don't think anyone would watch it unless they themselves had some experience playing Magic. And I never saw it come on again, so perhaps this was a one time filler slot. But I wish I could find it now, just to marvel at the absurdity of it all.

There was also my short lived obsessions with watching competitive paintball, arm wrestling, domino's, and back when I was a child the competitive skeet shooting with the big scoring grid.

But the latest bizarre sport captured on film and presented to the masses came on late the other night on FSN. Competitive Yo Yo.

Just let that sink in a bit. It may take a while to fully grasp the concept.

Much like the Magic show that was on years ago, this was a fully produced competition with lighting and multiple camera angles and commentary. But none of this wizardry could cover up that it was a simple black stage set up in some kind of meeting room at the Radison in Kansas City, Kansas or some such wasteland. And I have to say the poor souls that were competing were actually very talented yo-yo artists. This was far more advanced than a simple "walking the dog" or "cat's cradle" In fact the commentators either were very knowledgeable about the sport, or were very adept at making shit up on the spot. They had names such as "a double monkey shines", "backwards goofy flip", and "inverted atomic jammer" I made all those up, but you get the point. It was like when back in the day when we would all go freestyle walking and make up the ridiculous names for the stunts we were pulling.

I couldn't really understand what made one guy any better than the other. None of them got their lines tangled up in a huge mess, and no one dropped their yo yo's. But some were criticized for not doing original or hard tricks. They all looked hard and original.

And this I think is where some of the more non conventional things that get put on TV lose people. While they are just a novelty act that most people can enjoy in short bursts, these productions try and create story lines and characters out of the people. They go into great length about people's backgrounds and their accomplishments in their sports. But because most of these type of shows only are on the air once or twice, mostly in the wee hours of the morning, you will never be able to see any progression or learn anything about these people. You only watch it for a half hour, and then forget about it. I can't remember any of the people that were on the show, just that they were doing crazy yo yo tricks in some ballroom. So why waste the time and energy trying to create stories about these people and just show the action. It leaves a far deeper impression than the five minute montage about someone.

This post is Nifty

HAPPY 50TH POST EVERYONE!!! IT'S FANTASTIC!!!

I was so rudely reminded that my posting habits have fallen behind those of others. So I make my triumphant return to the blogosphere to grace all with these words of wisdom. Think of my infrequent posts not as a failure to produce or an accurate exhibit of apathy, but more of a prolonging of the magic. Savor these morsels. They could save your life one day.

I must come clean here in a public forum. I have been watching Sex and the City. A close friend of mine convinced me to watch a few episodes with her during a visit a few months ago. As I had no other ideas of what to do, and with the promise from her that they weren't that bad and that there were a decent amount of boobies shown, I relented and watched one episode. I was vaguely familiar with the characters and overall storyline. And I have to admit it wasn't the worst thing I have ever seen. I further relented and watched another. And another. And another. And another. I was resigned to the fact at this point that I was going to have to watch all of them. It is part of my personality. Especially when faced with movies or TV, I must know all. So I went to task aquiring all the seasons of SATC. Once they were all aquired, I started the long trek through 6 seasons. The good thing for me was that all the episodes fall between running times of 20-30 minutes. Much better than attempting watching all of Oz. Between the hour long run times and the constant threat of man dangle an rape, SATC offered a cozier experiance.
My friend had warned me that the first two seasons weren't as good as the rest, but if I could slog through them that it would be worth it in the end. And jesus hopping saviour was she right. The first season was down right attrocious, and the second was only marginally better. The third brought more compelling (read: realistic) stories. And that's as far as I've gotten. I fineshed up the second and third seasons in a whirlwind 2 day marathon and burned myself out for a bit.
After watching that many episodes, I have come to a few conclusions. Firstly, I am missing a main component that would allow me to fully enjoy SATC to it's fullest. I don't give a shit about New York, New Yorkers, or their way of life. I don't give a shit about fashion or shoes. Most of the time I think that the fashion choices presented are ridiculous, ugly, or mediocre. And I really don't have much affection for Sarah Jessica Parker, or her charachter Carrie. That poses a problem as she's the main charachter and most of the story lines revolve around her in some way.
The good thing for me is that I'm over halfway home. The fifth season is way short, and I've already cut a decent chunk out of the sixth. Then I can be done with all this nonsense.

Hi Kids, do you like violence?

Welcome back!!! Driving home from Jula's last night we had hijacked Will's car and Ipod for our listening and driving pleasure. I set up the Top 100 hits of the 90's and hit random and let the bitch run. After knowing at least the chorus, if not most of the words to about 10 songs in a row I began to wonder how much of my brain is filled with song lyrics. I hope that the ratio is pretty low in comparison to capacity, and if not that the lyric part of the brain isn't choking out the cure for cancer or something.

Another 7 mini-reviews coming and then a recap of the past few exciting weeks.

51. Snakes on a Plane
Caught this one on HBO when I was down visiting K&K a while back and forgot that I had seen it. It was as awesome as when I saw it in the theater. Snakes + Sam Jackson is just awesome. And say what you will about ludicrous plots, at least every crazy stupid thing they do in the movie is backed up by some kind of previous plot points. As ludicrous as it all seems, in the bubbled context of this film alone it all makes sense. So that's good.

52. Longest Yard (original)
Burt Reynolds was a beefcake of a man in the 70's. That did little to salvage this turd. I didn't like it at all, but watched it out of necessity to count it towards the total. Though they did burn up a dude pretty fierce.

53. Comedians of Comedy: Live at the Troubadour
Funny stand up special featuring lots of subversive comics bringing their dirtiest stuff. Can't really go wrong with Oswalt, Cross, Galifinakis, Bamford, Posehn, Silverman, ect...

54. Wanted
While this should have been a 10+ out of the park hit for me, it really wasn't. I saw this with Alan and we both should have loved the shit out of it. Guns CHECK Hot Girl (Jolie) CHECK Crazy fights CHECK Cool Director who we both liked previous works by CHECK Over the top Action CHECK But when it was all said and done, neither one of us could pinpoint why we didn't love it but we agreed that it was missing SOMETHING. I gave it a 6 and ranked it as a "movie" I didn't hate it but it fell way flat. Which is to bad because the ingredients were there. The scary thing we decided was that because this film really was designed to be loved by guys like us and that we didn't, that somewhere along the line somebody missed a huge mark.

55. Shoot Em Up
I told Alan following Wanted that Shoot Em Up was the movie that Wanted should have been. So we went home after seeing Wanted and fired this one up. I loved it as much the second time as when we initially saw it in the theater. It's also bat shit crazy, has crazy gunfights, and some highly improbable plot points. But much like Snakes on a Plane, they cover everything with a plausible plot point from before. It doesn't matter that no baby smiles when listening to death metal, but when Clive Owen deduces that his mother must have lived close to a heavy metal club, and they go find an apartment above said club, it at least makes sense. Remember the aforementioned logic bubble that you must sometimes carry from movie to movie.

56. WALL-E
Awesome flick. Beautiful space shots, funny parts, nostalgia, and robots. We saw this one on the 4Th and the theater was jam packed with kids and adults. Most kids seemed to enjoy it, though the family in front of us should have never even left the house. A typical father/mother combo with two little girls. The oldest of the two couldn't have been more than three, and the other maybe two. Neither of which wanted to sit still or watch a movie. This didn't stop the family from plunking down for four tickets and some refreshments to see only about a third of the film before they left. Moral of the story, don't listen to a toddler when they see something on TV and say they want it. They really don't. Man up and be an adult and tell the kids to STFU sometimes.

57. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls
Well, everything I heard about this one said it was terrible and to just skip it. I decided that it couldn't be that bad and went anyway. I should have listened to the majority. It was really, really, really, really, really bad. Bad acting, bad plot, bad script, terrible accents, stupid fight scenes, dumb comedy, and an overall plot arc that was so basic that it didn't take a genius to figure out what was really going on about twenty minutes into the film. Really bad stuff.

I also was in Cincinnati this weekend taking in a few Red's games. On Sunday we decided to buy good seats down on field level. These seats were around $40 bucks a pop. So imagine my confusion when about halfway through the second inning a group of six older people finally made their way to their seats and began blabbering about the most inane topics I have ever heard of in my life. "It's so hard to find a job now. Job interviews are so much different. They wanted to know what my life goals was. To make a buck, ok." This was met with a guffaw usually reserved for bad dinner theater from the 1800's. The ladies then proceeded to debate on if the Washington Nationals used to be called the Senators and if they were from Washington State or Washington D.C. Here's a tip for those ladies. If your so concerned with making money, perhaps you should know who the fuck is playing the game you paid so much to go see. Or just shut the fuck up and not be dumb whores.

God Bless America!!!

The latest and greatest

48. Son of Rambow
I heard about this one a few months back on AICN. I never expected a small indie british film to be shown in theaters around here and had resigned to waiting to Netflix it once it became available, but it was picked up here for a one week theatrical run. Adie and I caught what turned out to be a rather cute and quaint story that was peppered with some good comedy and some messages throughout. The story revolves around two young boys who set out to make a movie after seeing Rambo: First Blood. They devise a story about how one of them is the son of rambo and are saving him from an evil scarecrow. It ended predictably but was a fun journey getting there.

49. Jonestown: The life and death of the People's Temple
The same night after we got back from the theater, I popped in this documentary that I had gotten from the library. I was familier with the basics of Jim Jones and his Kool-Aide drinking dead followers, but this doc shed some light on how they got to that point deep in the jungles of Africa. I didn't realize that Jim Jones began his preaching career here in Indiana, and split to northern California before heading off to the jungle. Jim Jones seems to remind me of L. Ron Hubbard, just with a little more drive of crazy. Both were charismatic leaders of "churchs" that ultimatly bilked the weak of mind and heart for all they could. Jim Jones was just a bit more driven by the crazy bug and ended up killing a senator before ordering his 900 followers to poison their children before themselves.
I don't think there is a slow enough or painful enough way for him to die. He got off easy with a bullet to the temple. Asshole.

50. Get Smart
An entertaining movie that struggles with deciding if it's a big action summer movie, or a quirky comedy that tries to stay true to the TV show roots. Steve Carrell does a fine job as the incompotent agent who can't seem to do things right but always seems to come out on top. The Rock is a bit underutilized for my liking. I guess if they fully commited to an action movie he would have been in it more.

Ideas

Well, in the 13 days since my last post, I have watched 6 movies. None of them blew me away, but most were entertaining. Just so I feel complete, here is the list, with a few comments about each.

42. Meet the Spartans
Another atrocity of a spoof movie. I don't know why I've been subjecting myself to these so much. Even more pop culture references than the last one. And they keep putting Carmen Electra in them as the sex kitten, even though she's old as fuck. Kudo's to her for getting steady work, but there has to be some hotter young starlet who would work for cheaper.

43. Semi-Pro

The next installment of "Will Ferral makes a comedy about every sport" There were some funny moments, and the same funny cast ensemble that gets used in most of his movies is back and shining in their bit roles. It was worth a one time watching.

44. Horror Business

This one was on Netflix Instant Viewing list. It was about independant horror film makers and the hurdles they must face in plying their craft. While this had the potential to cover a topic that I would find fascinating, they found some of the most annoying and dim witted film makers to focus most of their attention on, and then spliced together alot of crazy images and random old movie clips to fill it out. The highlight was an extended interview with Mark Borchardt of American Movie fame as he attempted to make a new movie. He is quoted in the film saying he wanted to finish it that year (2005) And I am happy to report that accourding to IMDB he completed his latest work a short three years late.

45. Hitman

Cashing in on successful video game franchises into movies has been a long and hard road for Hollywood. You could argue that they did alright with the Tomb Raider movies. I've never seen either one, but they did make two, so it couldn't have been that much of a loss for them. Hitman doesn't require you to know dick about the games and launches into a hitman for hire story that was very reminiscant to me of the Bourne series. There were plenty of awesome kills and over the top sex and violence to keep my adolescent brain intrigued, but it also did one of the things that I hate most in movies. They open the movie showing the Hitman breaking into his main rival's house and having a conversation. The rest of the movie is a flashback to what they went through together. So even if I thought for a second that Agent 47 wasn't going to live through the film, I knew from the get go that he at least survived until they get back to present time.

46. Wet, Hot, American Summer

I can't believe that I don't own this one. I will soon enough. We watched this one with a bunch of the Waycross kids that were stranded at our house for a few nights after the floods. Yes, it captures a lot of the quirks and situations at summer camps, bit it is also filled with raunch and hilarity. And a very solid cast.

47. The Aristocrats

Another one we watched with the Waycross crew. They wanted something funny, and I threw this one in. I think the boys enjoyed it, and the girls may have been slightly less enthusiastic about a film dedicated to the grossest things people can come up with, mostly which involve vagina's in some derogatory way or another. I loved it just as much as any other time I've seen it. It also reminded me of when I saw this in the theater with Joe. There was obviously some young couple a few rows ahead of us on an early date for them. They may have read about this small independent documentary and thought it would be good culture to take in. Neither of them were prepared for what was unleashed upon them. As they left shaking their heads in disgust, I could only rest happily with the knowledge that neither one of them would regard the other the same ever again.

So that catches me up on my movie count for the year. We survived the great flood of 08 with minimal damage and heartache. Right in the middle I turned 27, which is awesome. 27 has been my favorite lucky number for a long time. Duane Ferrell wore number 27 for the Pacers in the mid 90's and I was a fan of his. He wasn't the best player or the most accomplished on the team. Mostly a bench player, I really liked how he played and adopted him as my favorite underdog player. He only played for the Pacers for two seasons, but via a quick wikipedia search, I find that he played for three teams for 10 seasons in the NBA, and is currently working as the director of player programs for the Washington Wizards. You go Duane!!!

Anyhoo, back to 27. Now that I'm my favorite number in age, I feel that this next year will be an awesome one for me. Of course it helps that I'm getting married during this favorite year, but I also think it'll be good for other reasons.

On the kitteh front, Rouge came home tonight. Either she changed a lot from the last time we saw her, or Adie picked out the wrong picture from the internet, because she looks nothing like the picture Adie pulled off. But whatever, she's a kitten and a girl and she's here now with a name, so she's not going anywhere. Gambit had been playing pretty hard for about an hour before Adie came home with her, so I thought maybe he would be pretty chill once she got here. But oh no, that was hardly the case. He chased her and tackled her any chance he got. I let them go at it for about an hour so they could get used to each other, but then decided that enough was enough and locked up Gambit in the bedroom so she could chill a little and get used to the house. Initially, she seems a bit more laid back and chill when she's not being harassed by Gambit.

So the house is now complete and our family has doubled in size in the past three weeks. Alan is in the air on his way home for about three weeks. Tomorrow we are taking our Kansas City BBQ judging class. But I'll save that story for once we have been certified.

Waiting....for pizza

The desperation is setting in. The walls seem as if they are inching closer in the night, waiting to silently crush me into powder, only to be snorted up like some kind of makeshift cocaine.

No matter how much I try, I fall farther and farther from the land of promise.

Of course I am refering to my movie quest. I have so many in the house that I've never watched. I just bought three more movies, on top of the 10 I downloaded this weekend. Torrent style.

I'm nearing the 110 mark. They keep piling up without a dent being put into them. And that doesn't include the Netflix and Library movies that I have readily available.

I've been reading a blog written by a guy who loves horror movies. He lives in LA and has ready access to many of the major studio's as well as a nice video store and home collection. He decided that he would watch a new horror movie every day and blog about what he thought. Not entirely unlike what I am attempting with my blog. But he does it EVERY DAY. And only horror movies. But he has a love for the medium and is devoting the time to it. Some would call him a madman that is entirely to wrapped up in his hobbies.

I say kudos's to him.

I watch alot of TV. I DVR reruns of Scrubs even though I have seen them all like 3 times. I'm currently watching one on TV as I type this. If I took even half that time out of my day and used it for the movie goal, I'd hit it easily.

And that's what I'm going to do.

Triple Play

-I have fallen behind the pace on my movie count. No specific reason for it, but there are little things that are pulling my attention away from the quest. But yesterday I fired it up and took in 3 films.

1.Wire in the Blood: Synchronicity. Another fine performance from this BBC series. Entertaining and interesting. I'm glad I don't live with the fear of a random serial killer stricking in Bloomington.
2.The Vanishing. A French movie that was probably a lot more scary back in the 80's. The "twist" ending wasn't much of a twist by today's standards, but was entertaining enough. Again, glad I don't have negative encounters with sociopaths and psycho's.
3.Iron Man. We went to the theater for this early summer popcorn flick. Ian and Adie knew even less than I did about the Iron Man back story, and I knew very little. But the flick did a good job of explaining everything easily, and had enough of crazy shit blowing up to keep us all entertained. I'm surprised that the studio gave Jon Faverau 140 million to make this movie without him doing any kind of big blockbuster work before as a director, but he did excellent and set himself up to make more of the awesome comic book movies. It doesn't hurt his cause that the film as already gross'd 210 million domestically.

- We went to Julia's for the Memorial Day weekend. It's always a good time up there, and this weekend was no exception. They decided to have a "small" get together on Sunday. Their idea of small still includes around 20 people, with enough food then to feed about 50. I did get in a game of croquet which was marred by my overzealous need to "send" Julia's ball down the hill. In my attempt to do so, I nearly crushed the side of my foot with the hammer. That sucked. I then later played in 5 games of volleyball. I'm proud to report that I did ok by my standards. I served a few that weren't out of bounds, and I made a few hits that didn't hurt my team.

- We get to pick up Gambit tomorrow. He's getting his harblls cut off as I type this, and will be ready to recover in his new home. Rouge is still a bit under weight, and will probably be ready by next week.

- GTA 4 is one of the main detractors from my movie quest. I'm amazed at the amount of detail that has been poured into it. I think I've played it about 30 hours at this point, but only completed maybe 15% of the game. And it's always nice to be able to disgust Adie with whatever depraved thing I make Niko do.

Stuff and Junk and Things

- Adie and I went to get kitteh supplies yesterday. Yes, we finally pulled the string and went and adopted two kittens from Nashville. They are still to small to bring home, but once they reach 2 pounds they can be fixed, and then brought home. So, we went to PetSmart to get all the necessities. Adie had her heart set on a specific box that had a lid and a special scoop notch and whatnot on the inside. Well, we couldn't find it and had to settle on one that was a step below. And she was seriously bummed out about it. But lo and behold as we were getting ready to leave, what was magically on display in the middle of the store, far away from the rest of the litter boxes, but the all powerful purple deluxe edition shit box. What a great day it turned out to be.

-Here are the adoption pictures of the little scamps. Gambit is on the left, and Rouge is on the right. They will be coming home in the next few weeks.


- I was driving around town the other day running some errands when I noticed a man approaching me riding on his motorcycle. I wouldn't have remembered this if he hadn't been wearing an oxygen tube with a tank strapped to his back. And of course no helmet. That guy has the biggest set of balls, but the smallest brain I have encountered in a long time.

-I'm heading to Louisville for the weekend. On top of seeing Kristen and Kevin, we'll be catching 2 Louisville Bats games. This will mark my first baseball games of the season. Many baseball bloggers have wagered that if the Reds played their AAA farm team the Bats, that the Bats would win hands down. So it should be a good time. They are playing the Indy Indians this weekend as well, so there is a bit of a hometown boy in me that will feel a bit bad about rooting for their demise, but I'll get over it. We also may try and make it to Churchill Downs to mourn the loss of that dead chick horse. If mourn meant bet on other horses and then leave without a second thought. That's what mourn means right? My vocab has suffered recently.

Dude, things happen.

- I got poison ivy on my arm from transplanting some wild hosta's in Joan's yard into her "hosta garden" It sucks.

- There are two people that live in the house. I looked down this morning and saw 6 toothbrushes in the bathroom. I was knocked stupid for a few moments trying to understand why this could be. Then I remembered that Adie has what most people would refer to as "shark teeth."

-I watched Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay and Untraceable. Neither of which inspired me to write anything deep about them. Harold and Kumar was funny, which I expected. Untraceable was ok, until the final climactic scene which is jump started by the stupidest thing I have seen done by someone on screen in a very long time. Word to the wise, if you are being hunted down by a technological savvy killer who has just disabled your car's electrical functions rendering it useless, don't return to the car when it magically starts back up a few minutes later. You are just begging to be fucked with.

-I'm about a good hour's worth of work from being finished with school for this semester. Then I get to start summer classes on my birthday. But I'll have about a month off to recuperate. You know, from my extremely hard life. Boo Ya!

- The Reds still suck, but they did beat the Cubs last night. And they will have a chance to do it again tonight. I would almost be happy if the Reds never won a game except for every Cubs game.

Early Voting

I did my part for society today by going downtown to vote early for the primary. I voted early so that I could avoid the throngs of people on Election day, but still maintain my presence during this primary. Considering this may be the only time in my life when Indiana has a primary that matters to the outcome of the nominations, I had to do it.

Upon my arrival at the designated early voting place, I was graced with some excellent karma by getting a parking spot right out front that had been reserved for early voters. Score 1 early for me. I was then greeted by a handful of campaingers who eagerly thrust pamphlets and pages of literature for me to read before I voted. I took their gifts with a smile, but kept to myself that I would only be voting in 2 catagories today, neither of which included who they were stumping for. I just don't feel right voting in a category such as judge or coroner or something where I have no idea who the people are.

Much to my suprise there were about 40 people in line ahead of me. I wasn't the only one who thought they could sneak in during the day. But the line was moving fairly smoothly so I wasn't to rattled by the outpouring of those eager to push buttons to decide the fate of our nation. That may be a bit over the top.

There was also a steady stream of people who queued up behind me as I made my way towoards the voting area. You had the choice of voting by machine or by paper ballot. It came as no suprise that many of the senior citizens chose the old fashioned paper ballot. I chose the machine.

I was led back to my machine by a man in his 60's who would go over the proper procedure of voting so that there would be no questions or concerns about improper voting. What followed was either the most brilliant subliminal voting influence ever, or innocuous chatter that he was forced to repeat over and over again all day. As he began to tell me how to vote, he told me that the computer would have the candidates lined up for me to vote on, and I could then simply press the button next to the name of who I wanted to vote for. As he told me this, he pointed to the button next to Obama's name. He then said that if I made a mistake and pressed the wrong button, I could simply press the button again, the X mark would be removed and I could then pick who I really wanted to vote for. As he said all this, he pointed towards the button next to Hillary's name.

I'm sure it meant nothing, but it if did, bravo voter helper guy. Let's hope your not so sublte gestures influences many voters over the next few days. I'll be sitting back come Tuesday and toasting you as I do whatever the hell I want instead of going out to vote.